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Live BAFTA Blog 2009

8pm – Welcome To The BAFTAS!
We’re off! The venue? London’s magnificent Royal Opera House. The first red carpet comment? Sharon Stone going on about the weather. No, she’s not nominated for anything. Onwards and upwards…
Floppy-haired mouth Jonathan Ross returns as host. Claims he’s nervous. Claims he’s "shaking like Christian Bale’s PA". More amusingly, points out how Kate Winslet’s two movies are a nightmare for someone with a speech impediment: "The Weader and Wevolutionary Woad…"  
First award… It’s a big one: the Music award. And it’s Kylie to dish it out. Clever. In it’s first of many noms, can Slumdog beat Mamma Mia! to annoy everyone by continuing to win everything everywhere?
Yes. Here we go again… Danny Boyle’s hands must be red-raw from clapping.
Oooh, another big award. Gemma Arterton hands out Best Sound to… WALL-E! Only kidding. It’s Slumdog Millionaire again. Are we in for a clean sweep?  
Well, well… Despite being the first man to fluff the auto-cue, Matthew Macfayden gives everyone a whiff of change by handing Best Production Design to The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Game on.  
Striiiiiiike two! Benjamin Button scores Best Hair & Make-up to go level with Slumdog. Another amazingly short speech. And no crying. What’s wrong with these people? Do they not realise they’re at an Awards ceremony?
Bosh! This is like a boxing match. Slumdog hammers back with Best Cinematography, picked up by the great DoP Anthony Dod Mantle. Whose extraordinary anti-gravity hair just has to be a wig.
Was there any point in anyone else turning up? Best Adapted Screenplay goes to – yawn – Slumdog Millionaire. The writer claims to have stolen a chocolate award off one of the tables at last year’s ceremony. Robert Downey Jr is chewing gum. Rude. But cool.
Finally, an award that Slumdog CAN’T win: the Carl Foreman gong for best first feature by a Brit. The astonishing Hunger and the wonderful Son Of Rambow must be crossing their fingers. And the winner is… Slumdog Millionaire?? Kidding. Steve McQueen strides up to accept for Hunger. He’s wearing a kilt. Luckily, there’s no passing breeze.     
Hats off to Pinewood and Shepperton Studios, home to everything from Powell & Pressburger’s Black Narcissus to Jim Cameron’s Aliens. Cut to Brad Pitt and his lovely pencil moustache. He’s been shooting Tarantino’s WWII actioner Inglourious Basterds. At least, that’s his excuse. 
Nice touch: Frost/Nixon star Michael Sheen struts on stage with David Frost, the man he plays in Ron Howard’s excellent drama. Sadly, they both proceed with a succession of terrible, terrible jokes. Quick, montage! In Bruges wins Best Screenplay. Probably because it’s the only one that sees Colin Farrell karate-chop a dwarf. Probably. 
Adorably, Slumdog star Dev Patel trembles with nerves while handing Best Costume to The Duchess. Or maybe he’s shaking with rage that Slumdog hasn’t been nominated for this one.
The snappily titled Best Film Not In The English Language goes to the equally punchy French drama I’ve Loved You So Long. Sharon Stone presents Outstanding British Film. She’s still going on about the weather. Man On Wire director James Marsh rocks up with his shirt hanging out. Gets discreetly told off by Jonathan Ross. Good work, Wossy. 
We’ve raced to the BAFTAs half-way point already and the biggies are all left to come. It’s been fully half an hour since Slumdog Millionaire won an award. Outrageous, we’re sure you’ll agree.
The cameraman gives us a quick comparison between Mickey Rourke’s moustache and Brad Pitt’s. And the winner is… Rourke, with a tasty beard/’tache combo! Maybe next year they’ll introduce this as a category.   
Now we’re cooking! Penelope Cruz wins Best Supporting Actress for snogging Scarlett Johansson. No, no, sorry, for her excellent performance in Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona.
Renowned Special Visual Effects expert (oh, and Harry Potter star) Emma Watson presents that very award to… The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Techie nerds score a kiss off her. Sadly, their acceptance speech is so boring that Pitt appears to have briefly slipped into a coma.
"Oh my God I can’t read any more!" giggles a possibly drunk Goldie Hawn while trying to introduce Best Supporting Actor. Mercifully, she just about holds it together to announce the late Heath Ledger as the winner for his magnificent performance as The Joker. Big applause followed by a touching (and huge) montage for departed: Anthony Minghella, Richard Widmark, Charlton Heston, Roy Scheider, Paul Newman… Is there anyone left in Hollywood over 65? Apart from Clint Eastwood?
Shia LaBeouf, last year’s winner of the Orange Rising Star award, takes a break from drinking and driving to present this year’s award. Bit of a surprise, too: Adulthood star/director Noel Clarke beats Michael Fassbender, Tony Kebbell and Michael Cera. "Yes. We. Can!" he declares. Obama’s copyright lawyers are already on the phone.   
Magneto and Dr Xavier resist the temptation to have a psychic duel on stage and present Best Director instead. It’s now nearly an hour since Slumdog’s last award. Can Danny Boyle do it? Yes. He Can. Boyle starts by thanking the man who fixed the wiring in his dad’s house. Then his son stands up and yells, "I love you, Dad!" Lots of Daddy-love here suddenly.     
It’s Winslet versus Jolie versus Streep for Best Actress… Who’s best at shouting and crying? It’s our Kate! Big hugs for Mum and Dad. Polite clapping from Streep. Shrugs from Kristen Scott Thomas. Smiles from Jolie. And, amazingly, no tears from Winslet. Must be an imposter.  
Ding ding! It’s the battle of the moustaches: Benjamin Button star Brad Pitt up against The Wrestler’s Mickey Rourke for Best Actor. Or could Sean Penn nick it for not going "full retard" in Milk?
It’s Rourke! "It’s a pretty statue…" he muses. Thanks a lot of people for saving his career. Drop the F-bomb twice. Thanks Marisa Tomei for taking her clothes off in the movie. Then dedicates his award to late, great Richard Harris and gets the biggest cheer of the night. Superb.
Hello Mick Jagger! Drops an F-bomb of his own and prepares to announce the BAFTA Best Film of 2009. Danny Boyle and the Slumdog team get ready to launch into the air. Everyone’s waiting. And the BAFTA goes to… You guessed it. They’re off out of their seats. A fabulous triumph for the unstoppable Slumdog juggernaut.
All that’s left is for Jonathan Pryce (wearing a scarf indoors, perplexingly) and Jeff Bridges (having a hoot via video-link) to make maverick movie-maker Terry Gilliam a Fellow Of The Academy. Standing ovation. "That’s not fair!" half-jokes Gilliam. "Inside this decaying form is a young aspiring filmmaker…"
And that’s all, folks. Slumdog soars to victory again. We’ll see you at the Oscars…  


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