It’s the Live Brits Blog 2010

Hello. It’s Tom Townshend here (that’s me in the corner, so you don’t mistake me for the esteemed editor James Hurley). Foolishly, MSN Music have left the blog unlocked again, while they’ve all swanned off to The Brits. So I’m going to be sitting here, watching the show, eating my dinner and needlessly writing stupid and ill-informed things about it. Think of me as the online equivalent of your dad shouting at the telly.

I would genuinely love for you to join me, your comments are most welcome and the best/worst/funniest will be quoted here on the blog. Probably.

If you’ve not seen it yet, that fine fellow Rob Morgan has made his predictions for tonight’s winners. Have a look here. If he gets more than three wrong he has to come to work in his pants tomorrow (MSN rules).

Before we begin, let’s just say we’re concerned about tonight’s Brits. We’re concerned because it seems that in their 30th year, the whole ceremony is hinging on just two things: what Lady GaGa will or won’t wear, and Cheryl Cole.

Despite this teaser picture, released earlier today, GaGa has said she may tone down her appearance out of respect for the late Alexander McQueen. We can’t believe this is true (wouldn’t the fashion maverick have wanted her to be even more outrageous in his memory?) but we’ll be monitoring her closely with our very own GaGa-ometer, built specially for tonight. And we all know what the lovely Cheryl’s going through at the moment so we’ll be giving her nothing but support. (A certain bookmakers are offering odds on whether she’ll cry or not – charming.)

Right then, settle down, crack open the Kettle chips and let’s get on with the Brit Awards 2010 (with MasterCard)…

After The Krypton Factor. Sigh.

19:39

This is the first time I’ve seen the new Krypton and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. It’s basically Numberwang by a different name, isn’t it?

Ah, that Rufus bloke and a girl we don’t know are doing the Brits red carpet stuff on ITV2. Let’s watch that instead.

19:47

it’s Florence from Florence & the Machine telling us how weird it is to be on the red carpet. It’s not that weird really, is it? She’s forgotten who made her dress. George at ASDA?

All Saints are getting the lifetime achievement award! Oh no, they’re just interviewing Kasabian being a bit nonchalant.

Apparently Robbie sang a Take That song in rehearsal.  Hooray. First Ashley Cole joke of the evening from Alan Carr.

19:53

Crikey it’s Robbie on the actual red carpet, not wearing a tie. Ties are clearly out. If you’re wearing a tie, throw it in the bin. You won’t need it again.

19:58

Cheryl Cole’s L’Oreal advert: “Five problems – one solution”

Here we go…

It’s Lily Allen with odd hair riding a slow and jerky rocket and wearing some kind of leather underwear. Business women with prams, business men in union flag pants, pink soldiers… If anyone has any clue what’s going on then please speak up.

Is it just our telly or are her lips not in sync with the live vocals? That’s a neat trick.

20:04

Audio already muted on Peter Kay’s intro. What could he have said? Nothing funny yet, that’s for sure. It’s all a bit Crackerjack.

“Crackerjack!”

We were gonna predict he’d make a joke about Sam Fox and yet here she is in person. No reaction from the crowd to her joke about cocking up The Brits 21 years ago. They weren’t born then. And, er, neither were we.

Spice Girls win Brits Hits 30 award! Get in!

Only Mel B and Geri turn up to get it. Bah.

Though Geri has come disguised as Emma Bunton so it’s like having three of them there.

Are we wrong to find Mel B really hot, these days?

20:08

They’re rattling through them. Best male is…

Mika! Not really, it’s Dizzee Rascal.

Blimey.

Dizzee just snuck a rude finger gesture past the censors. And a swear word. He’s thanked all the British people. That’s nice.

20:10

JLS are dangling. Why are they dangling? Are inexplicable stage performances going to be the theme of this year’s show? Everyone’s clearly been racking their brains to work out how to upstage Lady GaGa. JLS just need to take their tops off, it’s what the people want. Well, some of the people.

Did the label really blow all the budget on those wires? A video screen of some lightning is a bit lame. We’re liking Aston’s tribute to Kylie with the hooded top, though.

20:15

Oh brilliant it’s Fearne Cotton. We thought they’d forgotten her. But no.

Toilet break!

20:20

Is Peter Kay being deliberately rubbish? If I were the Brits producers I’d be sending a courier bike round to Russell Brand’s house right about now.

Best International Male…

The really famous one who is performing later: Jay-Z

Seasick Steve shouldn’t have bothered having that wash.

Jay-Z’s wearing a tie. Ties are back! Laughs at his own attempt at a Spice Girls joke. Aw!

At least he tried to tell a joke. Take note Peter Kay.

20:24

Public vote!

Brits Album of 30 Years (don’t even start, I know, I know…)

Oasis win for their second best album. Amazing.

Liam’s here, thanked all his bandmates except Noel. Did a swear, gave the award to the audience and went off. Text book.

Peter Kay follows it with an insult and a joke about Kasabian that made absolutely no sense. Sorry folks but this is dire.

20:26

Another inexplicable stage set. Why do Kasabian have fire on stage for their performance of Fire? it’s probably a metaphor or something…

We have a comment!

Carol Walker thinks that “the Brits are poo”. No arguments here. Yet.

It has had a lot of the now very attractive Mel B on it though. Which, while absurd, is easy on the eye. Or my eye anyway. It’s probably just a phase.

I fear an Oasis argument is about to kick off in the comments. Hayley says “Noel is a knob!” Are we ‘aving that? I thought he was the nice one?

QUESTION:

What are you all having for your dinners?

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Great. Peter Kay as good as admitted the show isn’t worth watching. Hasn’t yet realised it’s because its being presented by a funnyman not being funny.

Geri asks: “Is Peter doing a good job?” No one replies.

Good to see a Spice Girl on the stage, eh? What a novelty, etc.

British Breakthrough Act…

JLS. The public vote triumphs again.

JLS are not wearing ties. Take your ties off!

Aston is risking a nipple slip.

20:40

Female masturbation joke from Peter Kay. Said with dead eyes to no laughs. If he doesn’t want to be here why doesn’t he bugger off and let Lady GaGa do the rest of the show.

James Laurenson has been counting: “we’ve had 5 Mel B/Geri appearances already”

It feels like more.

Ellie Goulding is going to pieces in front of the big crowd even though she’s known she’s been getting this award for months. That Wembley Stadium gig still a way off, eh?

20:45

This is the LADY GAGA AWARDS

Everyone else go home

That was fantastic. Really, really fantastic. No matter what you think of her music or attention seeking ways. That’s what a pop performance should be like in the 21st century.

Shame we’re dragged straight back to earth by Fearne. Courtney Love looks like she could be Geri’s mum and Ellie Goulding’s granny.

20:51

Seems like I’m alone in thinking GaGa was magnificent. So let’s discuss the more important issue of food. Daniel Innes is having pizza. A good choice. No name is having traditional pancakes. What else?

Oh great, Peter Kay just tried the “garlic bread” line to no success. He used to be brilliant, right?

It’s Stringer Bell! Still can’t get used to him having an English accent.

Oh. Ashley Cole joke from Stringer.

Best British band…

Kasabian.

Can we just say here that the drummer from Kasabian is a really lovely man. What we mean by that is we met him once and he didn’t spit at us. No really, he was lovely.

International Breakthrough…

Lady GaGa (a bit emotional)

21:02

john writes “gaga takes the earth, fear run for the hills”.

Ain’t that the truth? Possibly.

We wouldn’t employ her as a babysitter but that Florence has some lungs on her. We’re starting to forgive her for the time she nearly burnt us with a cigarette in a Camden pub (it was a long time ago).

Prince Harry actually made more of an effort to be funny than Peter Kay. Bet his iPod has some dreadful things on it though. Probably got the first Mika album. Not the second (who has?)

21:08

No name writes: “wow Harry has changed ”

At least he still has his natural hair colour.

You’ve already done that joke, Peter. Jeez.

Jonathan Ross allowing us all to feel as embarrassed as his children are right now.

International Female…

GAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

The teacup is back. She forgot people to thank!? She’s already named over 160.

Are the audience just looking away and talking amongst themselves each time Peter Kay speaks?

Female Solo Artist…

Lily Allen.

New wig. Even worse than the last one. At least she seems happy.

James Laurenson says: “Why has Lily come as Jimmy Krankie?”

Laura Hickman says: “it seems Lily has dressed up as Nicola Roberts tonight”

Jay-Z and Alicia – classy.

Please don’t say this is going to be one of those Brits where we’re shown up by the Americans again. Come on Robbie, we’re relying on you (*keeps hopes lows*)

Natalie says: “Stupid watershed, why not put it on at 9 and just let them bleep away.”

A sweary Brits would be more fun. Possibly.

Lily Allen wins an award, Fearne Cotton spends most of what should be an interview with her talking about Jonathan Ross’s stupid outfit. Brilliant.

Right. It’s time for…. Tom’s Dinner

If any of you have been here for previous live blogs, you’ll know this is a vast improvement on the usual. It might not look pretty but there’s two kinds of mushrooms in there. And rice noodles.

Forgot pudding, again.

21:27

It’s quite literally Mika! Amazing.

International Album…

GaGa Rah Rah etc.

When this is all over we will all forget how rubbish it’s been and remember only GaGa. It’s as if she planned it this way. Maybe she booked Peter Kay?

She’s gonna wet her doilies.

She forgot more people!? She’s just going through her Facebook friends now.

Oh sod off Peter Kay.

Jessica Billman says: “Why am I bored? Was it really more fun when Ricky Martin performed Livin’ la vida way back in ‘99..but then I was just a giddy teenager”

All very good points. But when pop is really good it should still makes us feel like a giddy teenager, I reckon.

Cheryl is rescuing this ropey song by playing another far better one over the top. Terrifying dance routine. Is ITV playing everything slightly out of sync so we can’t tell who is miming and who isn’t?

Anyway…

British single…

JLS – Beat Again

The boyband is really back, isn’t it? Well, a boyband anyway. This one. What’s my point again?

Aston backflipped! We’d like to see GaGa do that in that outfit.

What, no Spice Girls? Surely they should be on again soon.

British Album…

Florence & the Machine – Lungs

Crikey. Who saw that coming? It’s only half a good album too, let’s be honest.

But yeah, she waved her cigarette mere millimetres from my face without a care in the world. But I’ll get over it. She probably wouldn’t do it now.

Mike Hackett says: “What were you all expecting from Peter Kay, its the BRITS not an audience with Peter Kay”

I guess what we were expecting is that he would earn the astronomical amount of money he’s being paid by occasionally looking like he wants to be there and possibly doing some funny jokes. But we’re a demanding lot.

21:48

Robbie better be about to bring Take That on stage, that’s all we can say.

The pop genius that is Trevor Horn is on bass! And Robbie doesn’t have “scary eyes”.

I think Robbie Williams is about to pull off the comeback of a lifetime.

He’s just remembered how to do his job. Talk about scoring in the final seconds.

(ok, maybe a bit “scary”)

Come Undone? I’d forgotten that song ever existed. What’s gonna be the big finish?

Naomi says: “You can’t deny it; Robbie can entertain. This is like a mini concert.”

Therehadto​beone says: “The god who is Robbie Williams is outperforming EVERYONE!!!!”

Blimey.

It’s the mass Angels sing-a-long. I know you’re doing it at home.

He’s wearing a tie. Ties are back!

No Take That, but that was pretty incredible. And goodness knows the show needed it.

Thanks to all of you who commented or read this. I’d like to thank my parents, MSN, the man in Fopp who let me exchange a CD today and everyone who helped me write this nonsense. I feel we’ve been through something slightly traumatic together.

That was the Brit Awards 2010. Let’s never speak of it again.

New Lady Gaga photo

Thank the Lord for Lady Gaga. Without her ever-ready supply of craziness to rely on, people like me would be reduced to writing blog entries for the sake of it.

Anyway, as you may have heard, the bonkers one herself is performing with Beyoncé at tonight’s Brit Awards. They’re going to be doing Telephone, the track they recorded together for her Fame Monster album, and it’s bound to be spectacular.

To get you in the mood, here’s the first still released from the video of that song. Ever the fan of visual clues, Lady G appears to be wearing a hat fashioned out of old-school telephones.

See what she did there?

And it would be remiss of me not to mention that you can win an EXCLUSIVE Lady Gaga Multi-Platinum Sales Disc, celebrating her 1.5million UK album sales, by clicking on the photo below.

Haiti charity single photos

You’ve probably heard the Simon Cowell/Sun newspaper charity single for Haiti by now. Leaving aside the slightly questionable taste of covering REM’s Everybody Hurts, it’s for a good cause so I’m not going to slag it off. Anyway, as you may have heard, it features an array of vocal talent including Leona Lewis, Rod Stewart, Susan Boyle, and Kylie Minogue.

An undercover master of disguise who I keep on a retainer* broke into the studio while it was being recorded and managed to grab a couple of photos.

I thought you might like to see them.

* obviously this isn’t true.

Sade soldiers on

Ever since the Beatles and the Rolling Stones in the 1960s, this country’s had a proud tradition of musicians breaking America. Of these though, it seems to me that Sade has always been the least appreciated. Even Leona Lewis gets more kudos, and even she’d admit that was all down to the backing of a certain Mr Cowell and a certain Mr Davis.

Sade had no such help.

I reckon it’s down to British audiences being more fickle than their American counterparts. I can’t remember where I read it now but I recall someone once saying that if you have a top 10 album in America, you’ve got a career for life. The sheer size of the place means you’ll have enough fans to sustain a decent living.

That just isn’t the case here. Also, fashion moves much, much faster in Britain, so if you take too long between albums or have a bit of a flop, it can be game over.

Sade has never had a flop but she’s not exactly been prolific either. Her new album, called Soldier Of Love, released on February 8th, is her first in 10 years, which is probably why there’s not been a great deal in the UK media about it.

It’s a different story in the States, where some of their biggest stars have been lining up to proclaim their excitement at its release. Check out these

“This is why I still have a blog, this is so much better than anything else out there..to be part of a moment like this…how much better than everything else is this?????!!!!!” – Kanye West

"Sade is one of the most elegant, natural, sensual and impactful voices of our time!  There is no one in the world like her who can touch the very spirit of any soul from any walk of life.  She is the essence of music, that which brings us all together.  She makes her own rules, everyone else just seems to follow. She is a priceless gift that illuminates and I’m so grateful for the way she has touched and inspired my life." -Alicia Keys

Sade is a seemingly timeless centerpiece of music. Her choice of lyrics and melodies brilliantly compliment her velvet tone. My dream is to go wherever she is and record her next album. – Pharrell Williams

"When it comes to sexy, smooth, elegant R+B music, Sade IS the standard.  I can’t wait to hear her new work." – Christina Aguilera

Not bad going, eh? Sometimes you just don’t appreciate what you’ve got at home.

Jay-Z wants wor Cheryl

Well, don’t we all? Turns out that Beyonce’s other half is more interested in managing her career Stateside though. According to a report in The Sun, the Jiggaman is a big fan of X Factor. Do you really believe that? No, neither do I, but you don’t go from being a New York street hustler to running a multi-million dollar empire without an eye for an opportunity and it seems as though Cheryl represents just that.

According to the man himself, "There is nobody in the US like her right now, and I would be very interested in helping her break the US market this year. Bey has seen her perform and she told me how impressed she was. I checked her out and I was impressed as well."

I’m sure he was.

But what does he mean about there being nobody like her in the US? They’ve got millions of nice-looking women with limited singing voices. Maybe he’s hoping the Geordie accent will prove a winner.

Power To The People

We’re into a new year now, and it doesn’t do to dwell, but I just wanted to say one more thing about this Christmas number one business. According to news reports, it seems as though X Factor producers are considering bringing the 2010 final forward a week to avoid a repeat of the humiliation they suffered at the hands of Rage Against The Machine (or, more accurately, the Facebook campaign which adopted Killing In The Name as its theme tune) a few weeks ago.

Really? You mean, it was as easy as that? In the grand scheme of things it’s a very small victory, some might even say pointless, but I for one am heartened to see democracy in action for a change. So why stop now?

They can bring X Factor forward a week but who’s to say there can’t be another campaign to stop the winner automatically going to number one, whenever their single comes out?

This one isn’t over by a long chalk.

Acting your Rage

Like many other people, I listened to the singles chart countdown live last night for the first time in years. Although I’d been tipped off about the result several hours earlier, I wanted to hear for myself the moment when Scott Mills announced that Rage Against The Machine were Christmas number one.

I hadn’t felt that good since Barack Obama got in.

Although I’m half-joking about the Obama thing (only half, mind), there are a number of similarities. It was a demonstration of people power, enabled by technology, overthrowing a greedy, backward-looking, anti-creative status quo. What wasn’t to enjoy? Quite a lot actually, given the amount of ill-informed nonsense and half-truths being spouted both in the media and elsewhere.

Here’s a few:

• “Both Joe and RATM are signed to Simon Cowell’s label, so he wins either way” – This simply isn’t true. Rage Against The Machine are signed to Sony, whereas Joe is signed to Syco (Cowell’s label), which is a subsidiary of Sony. To suggest Cowell will make a penny out of the RATM sales is a red herring. But even if he did, would it actually matter that much? The protest wasn’t about corporate fat cats making money (they always have – you may as well throw away just about every CD you own in that case), it was about the British public being robbed of one its great festive traditions, namely the battle for Christmas number one.

• “The people who joined the Facebook campaign are just as much sheep as those who bought the X Factor single” – This is a particularly fatuous argument. By this logic, any group of people who come together for whatever common purpose are sheep. I’m going to knowingly invoke Godwin’s law here and ask whether those who opposed the Nazis were sheep? A bit extreme, I grant you, but the same principle.
• “The RATM song is rubbish/Joe’s song is better” – I’ve been doing this long enough to know there’s no point arguing with people’s personal taste. In this case it doesn’t even matter though because the relative merits of the two songs is beside the point. I’d have bought four minutes worth of babies crying if I thought it had a chance of making Christmas number one this year. Killing In The Name was chosen to represent this campaign precisely because it’s angry, loud, and sweary – everything an X Factor Christmas single isn’t.

• Joe’s worked really hard for it” – Oh please. He’s a nice enough lad by all accounts but he won a karaoke competition on telly and then spent just under a week promoting his single. If you think this is hard work, you don’t know you’re born etc… And don’t appeal to my sympathy. Even Joe had the gumption to acknowledge that the campaign wasn’t aimed at him personally.
• “It’s stupid and cynical” – Oh really? How stupid? It worked, didn’t it? And how cynical? As cynical as inducing people to pay, week after week, to tell you which is their favourite singer, so that you can then sign up the eventual winner, get them to record a bland and uninteresting cover version, and then have people pay you all over again to own it?  Year after year after year? Now that’s cynical.

Happy Christmas.

Rage Against The X Factor

It’s funny what getting older does to you. By now you will probably be aware of the Facebook campaign to get Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name to Christmas number one ahead of the X Factor winner’s single. It’s no pipe dream either. The last I heard the two were neck and neck with the bookies.

I was 17 when Killing In The Name was first released and didn’t think much of it at the time. Like a snooty kid who thinks laughing at farts is “so immature”, I thought it was unsophisticated, juvenile, and banal.  I also didn’t like the sort of idiots who jumped up and down to it at indie discos (I still don’t). Of course that kid (yes, ok, it was me) later learned to lighten up and realise that farting could be very funny indeed in the right context.

Similarly, thanks to this story, I recently had cause to listen to RATM for the first time in years and… you can guess what’s coming next… I thought it was fantastic.

Anyway, I suppose this is all by the by. The point is that if you’re sick of the Christmas number one (not so long a great British pop culture institution) being not just a foregone conclusion but both inevitably bland and uninteresting and a means to line the pockets of a certain high-trousered gentleman who doesn’t need any more money, you really should buy it.

I just have and it’s the first piece of music I’ve paid for in more than four years.

Corinne’s Comeback

Now that we’re drowning in a sea of British female musical talent, it’s easy to forget that not so long ago there was precious little to get excited about from a Y chromosome perspective. So dire was the situation that for many years the Brit Award for Best British Female was jokingly referred to as ‘the Annie Lennox award’.

And the less said about Dido the better.

Joss Stone and KT Tunstall paved some of the way for the current crop of stars but it was the double whammy of Lily Allen and Amy Winehouse in 2006 which really got the ball rolling. Just three years later five of the 12 Mercury Music Prize nominees (including the eventual winner) were women.

Good stuff.

One name tends to be overlooked in this analysis though and that’s Corinne Bailey Rae. Not as in-your-face and tabloid-friendly as Lily or Amy, or as artily strange and exotic as Bat For Lashes or Florence Welch, Bailey Rae’s 2006 debut was derided in some quarters for being bland and unchallenging  – a sort of UK version of Norah Jones. Americans aren’t as consumed by snobbery as we are though, and she picked up four Grammy nominations and a personal invitation to appear on Oprah.

She looked set for an unprecedented level of transatlantic success (remember, this was before Winehouse and Leona Lewis broke big across the pond) and then… nothing. Or rather quite a lot actually. Her husband Jason died from an accidental drug overdose and Corinne promptly disappeared from view. Not that she’d ever been especially comfortable in the limelight anyway.

Last night I was lucky enough to attend her first proper gig (“in front of strangers”, as she put it) in more than two years. It was an intimate affair in a beautiful little venue called The Tabernacle in West London. After a slightly ropey opening (maybe it was just me but the drums sounded off), Corinne and her band soon found their feet and, on occasion, really flew. It was mainly new material (her second album is out early next year), which is always a tough gig for both performer and audience, but she was among friends and visibly grew in confidence as the hour progressed.

Inevitably, some of the songs were about her late husband and it felt almost intrusive to witness her perform them. The lyrics of something like I’d Do It All Again (the title says it all) are so personal that I fleetingly wondered whether she might break down mid-performance. No chance. There seemed to be a new steeliness about her, no doubt born out of her tragic experience, which was evident not just in her stage presence but in the new material itself.

Corinne Bailey Rae was already the equal of her most talented peers. Now she might just be ready to move ahead of the pack again.

I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more.

Jesus Lives?

25 years ago, a dance-pop group of very naughty boys called Frankie Goes To Hollywood released a single called The Power Of Love. If you’re too young to remember them, they belong to an era when genuinely hedonistic, subversive people made successful pop music. If you’re too old, imagine an S&M Gerry and The Pacemakers and you’ll be somewhere close.

Anyway, the video featured, believe it or not, a nativity scene (below):

Now I’m quite sure this piece of news isn’t exactly unrelated to their recently released Greatest Hits collection but it’s an interesting little nugget nonetheless. Apparently their record company is trying to track down the baby (well, 25 year-old adult as he would be now) who played Jesus in the video. All anyone knows is that he’s probably Israeli as that’s where the video was shot.

I’ve been asked to spread the word of their search and of course I’m happy to oblige in exchange for a reasonably pleasant lunch. So if you have any idea who and/or where ‘Jesus’ is, get in touch by emailing info@dawbell.com