Weeeeeelcome to the MSN Movies Oscar blog 2010! Avatar vs The Hurt Locker. Cameron vs Bigelow. Bridges vs Firth. Bullock vs Mulligan. Madness vs Sanity. The biggest, shiniest ding-dong on the movie calendar is about to kick off. And we’re stationed in The Groucho club in London, watching it in HD loveliness on Sky Movies Premiere, all ready to serve you a blow-by-blow account of all the action, upsets, tears, speeches, faux pas and air-punches as it unfolds over the early hours. Roll out the red carpet, slide into your tux, pour yourself a cocktail. It’s about to begin…
How it ended
Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
Director: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Actor in a Leading Role: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Actor in a Supporting Role: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Actress in a Supporting Role: Mo’Nique, Precious
How it happened
1.30am
We’re off! But what’s this? They’re rolling out all the nominees on stage. That’s a nice touch. And there’s Neil Patrick Harris. Wait, really? "What am I doing here?" Good question, Harris. Answer: singing. Oh grief. Let’s hope it’s not another campy sing-a-long-Oscars like last year. Jokes please!
1.40am
Odd couple co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin step up. Meryl Streep holds the record for most nominations as an actress, says Martin. "Or as I like to think of it, Most Losses," he adds. Before making a Hitler joke. We’re looking good so far.
1,45am
Hey, there’s Woody Harrelson, nominated for The Messenger. "He’s so high…" whispers Baldwins. M&B don 3D specs to mock Jim Cameron – about his former marriage to Kathryn Bigelow! Also: exciting possibility that George Clooney is hammered! Alsoalso: second Nazi joke in five minutes! Best Oscars ever already?
1.45am
Oh dear, oh dear! Clooney definitely off the chart. Amazing.
1.47am
Still struggling gamely with the English language, Penelope Cruz presents Best Supporting Actor. Will Christoph waltz away with it (sorry) for his awesome Basterds turn as The Jew Hunter? He better had…
1.50am
He does.
1.51am
Waltz takes Best Supporting Actor. But can he claim Best Beard, too? He faces stiff competition from Antonio Banderas, who’s glued a dead animal to his chin. Lustrous.
1,58am
D’oh! Cameron Diaz fluffs her autocue. And makes co-presenting comedy legend Steve Carell look like a circus midget. Best Animation is next up… And surely, surely, it will be Up. (Although in any other year, Coraline should win.)
2am
Of course, it’s Up. And Pixar’s heartbreaking movie still has a Best Picture nom in the hat. Nice short speech. Well done that man.
2.01am
Jennifer’s Body star Amanda Seyfried steps on stage wearing a dress that’s as big as the stage itself. Miley Cyrus g-g-g-gets her lines wrong. Love it.
2.05am
Wow. Someone called "T-Bone" just won an Oscar. What’s happening to this world? Acceptance speech as Crazy Heart walks away with Best Song: "I love you more than rainbows, baby." Entire Oscar audience is nearly sick in their own shoes.
2.14am
Looking’ guuuud… Robert Downey Jr (weird shades, blue bow tie, um…) and Tiny Fey (nice dress, big hair) present Best Original Screenplay. For our money, it’s Basterds versus Hurt Locker. Which means The Messenger will probably win.
2.16am
Boom! The Hurt Locker wins. Although scripter Mark Boal’s neatly trimmed chin-rug fails to provide any contest in tonight’s Best Beard melee.
2:20am
Jeez… Is that Molly Ringwald?? My word, it really is. Which means it’s time for a John Hughes eugoogly. Great movies. Great man.
2.23am
Wow… Hughes alumnus pay homage. Everyone looks old. Except Macauley Culkin, who appears to be aging backwards, Benjamin Button-stylee. Suddenly feels like it’s been a long time since someone’s cracked a joke. Where’s Steve Martin gone?
2.37am
Hotties du jour Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana are on stage. It can mean only one thing: some awards no one really cares about. Best Animated Short, Best Documentary Short, Best Live Action Short… Director of the latter narrowly avoids crying. Hang on! There’s Clooney, finally regaining consciousness…
2.42am
This is more like it… Ben Stiller presents Best Makeup dressed as a Na’vi. Points out the irony that Avatar wasn’t nominated. "After I announce the winner I will stand as far away as possible so as not to demean their moment of triumph." And the winner is… Star Trek.
2.51am
Best Beard wannabe Jake Gyllenhaal and this writer’s future wife Rachel McAdams present Best Adapted Screenplay. And the winner is… Oh, here we go. First award of the night for Precious. And some tears. From a man. "This is for precious boys and girls everywhere…" gasps the writer, thanking everyone as if he’s just found the cure for AIDS.
2.52am
"I wrote that speech for him," deadpans Martin. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.
2.55am
Lovely shoutout for legends Lauren Bacall and Roger Corman. EVeryone stands and applauds. Except Penelope Cruz. Who just looks confused. Probably because the video montage wasn’t subtitled.
3am
Right. Let’s do this. Best Supporting Actress. Mustmustmust go to Mo’Nique for her incredible performance as a monster-mother in Precious. It’s the only award that film deserves to win tonight – and boy, does Mo’Nique deserve it. And the winner is…
3.02am
MO’NIQUE! Even better, she gets through her speech without having a good cry. Cut to Gabby Sidibe, who looks distracted and peckish.
3.08am
Some two hours into the ceremony, Avatar bags its first Oscar: Best Art Direction. They’ve broken the seal…
3.10am
Sarah Jessica Parker (spray-painted orange) and Tom Ford (beard: disappointing) present Best Costume Design to The Young Victoria. "Well, I already have two of these," sighs recipient Sandy Powell. Snipers on the balcony take aim. Hopefully.
3.20am
Well, they were always going to be shoehorned in somehow. Taylor Lautner and K-Stew intro an actually-quite-disturbing montage of Hollywood;s greatest horrors. R-Pattz must be gelling his hair backstage. Or desperately trying to grow a beard in time for next year’s ceremony.
3.24am
Morgan Freeman tries to explain to everyone what sound editing means. Nobody really understands what he’s on about. But he does have a very soothing voice. Avatar and The Hurt Locker are nominated. And the winner is…
3.28am
The Hurt Locker. Whose sound editor has lady’s hair. Hurriedly on to Sound Mixing now (Freeman doesn’t even bother explaining), but that goes to The Hurt Locker too. It is agreed, then, that The Hurt Locker has very good sound. And its sound editor has very silly hair.
3.37am
"Please welcome my longtime dear friend, and by that I mean, I’ve never met her, Sandra Bullock!" Martin sends on the Best Actress nominee to present Best Cinematography to… Avatar. Jim Cameron’s groundbreaking sci-fi stunner is building momentum ahead of the Best Picture and Best Director showdown.
3.38am
Truly alarming cut to Avatar stars CCH Pounder and Stephen Lang sat next to each other. She’s literally twice the size of him!
3.42pm
Dead-people montage: Crazy Swayze, Brittany Murphy, Jack Cardiff, Horton Foote, Natascha Richarson, Budd Schulberg… Jacko? Karl Malden probably gets the biggest hand. James Taylor plays them out. Impossible not to think of Funny People.
3.52am
Sam Worthington! Stop! Chewing! Gum! Honestly… Slouching next to an immaculate J-Lo, the Avatar and Terminator star helps intro Best Score. By "helps", we mean slouches next to J-Lo chewing gum. Up wins.
3.53am
Clooney hammered again. Or at the very least pretending to be. Which is good enough for us.
3,54am
Hurt Locker 3-2 Avatar, as we go into the Best Visual Effects smackdown, presented by lady-faves Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper.
3.56am
Make that 3-3. Avatar scoops up another one for its boundary-busting 3D magic.
4.01am
Matt Damon.
4.05am
YES! The Cove, that incredible documentary about the Japanese’s horrific treatment of dolphins, wins Best Doc. If you haven’t seen it, go out right now and buy it. Or wait till the shops are open. Whatever. Just buy it.
4.10am
Hurt Locker beats Avatar to Best Editing. But it’s all just build-up… We’re betting Hurt Locker to take Best Director and Avatar to take Best Picture.
4.17am
Best Foreign Film. Basically, it’s Un Prophete (that;s "A Prophet" if you don’t speak French) versus The White Ribbon…
4.18am
Only it’s not! First proper upset of the night as The Secret Of Their Eyes gives Prophet and White Ribbon a good slap in face and scampers off with the Oscar. Critics everywhere nervously start googling so they can pretend they’ve seen it.
4.25am
Kim Basinger (Bridges). Vera Farminga (Clooney),. Julianne Moore (Firth). Tim Robbins (Freeman). Colin Farrell (Renner) Stars take the stage to pay lovely tribute to each of the Best Actor nominees…
4.31am
"Being a friend is getting the other a cup of coffee. Can you do that for me, Ted?" Robbins recalls how he knew than he and Morgan Freeman would be friends for life. Colin Farrell reveals he spooned with Hurt Locker star Jeremy Renner when they made SWAT.
4.32am
And the Best Actor is….
4.33am
Jeff Bridges! Finally, in his fifth swing at Best Actor, the Dude abides. Emotional speech about his parents and his family. Then gives fellow Oscar-winner T-Bone a shout-out, too. Well, how could he not?
4.44am
It’s Best Actress O’Clock… Forest Whitaker, Michael Sheen, Peter Sarsgaard, Oprah Winfrey, and Stanley Tucci butter up the leading ladies. Can Sandra Bullock snatch it? Her real challengers are Meryl Streep (taking it in her stride) and Carey Mulligan (looking visible nervous). Unless they give it to Big Ol’ Gabby Sidibe. In which case, this blog is over. Over!
4.48am
And the Best Actress is…
4.50am
Gabby Sidi… Nah. It’s Sandy Bullock! Doffing a graceful cap to her challengers (including "my lover, Meryl Streep!"), the star of Miss Congeniality lifts an unlikely Academy Award. We love her. Not least because she just told everyone that George Clooney chucked her in a swimming pool once. Well done, Sandy.
4.51am
Bullock also just became the first actress to win Worst Actress at the Razzies and Best Actress at the Oscars in the same year. Dominance.
4.55am
The winner…
4.55am
of Best Director…
4.55am
is…
4.56am
…the first woman ever to win Best Director. Congratulations, Kathryn Bigelow. Ex-husband James Cameron gives her some warm applause. Now his hopes hang on Best Picture.
4.57am
And here comes Tom Hanks…
4.58am
TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE HURT LOCKER IS HAS ALSO WON BEST PICTURE!
5am
James Cameron looks stunned. So do the Hurt Locker producers. Bigelow can hardly talk. Hanks barely let the Best Director cheers fade before announcing Hurt Lockers’ incredible double-win. Suddenly, it’s all over. The Hurt Locker rules! Cameron is left with nothing but a few technical awards. (Oh, and billions of dollars.)
Discussion
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